I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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