I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize