Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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