She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
