yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
