Who wears a wallet chain?!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
is it fun? or sober?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
