I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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