i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
