just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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