Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize