Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
