someone threw a dead crab at me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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