There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
