never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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