i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
did i walk over a car last night?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
