I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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