I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
