Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My penis needs a shock collar
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
