Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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