What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
