i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
