I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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