I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
