My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There r osticjed everywhere
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
