you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We are all done wearing pants today
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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