I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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