i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
