I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
