how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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