Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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