new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
