I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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