is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
