Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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