Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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