we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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