Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
