Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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