White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
