So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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