I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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