i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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