My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
