My nipple is on Facebook.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
