thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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