I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
