there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
