Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
