This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
so much tequila, so little girl.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I would fuck him just for his dog
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
