I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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