the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
