Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
