I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
